As a parent, it’s never easy to hear your child express negative thoughts or to see her wallow in feelings like self-doubt, sadness, or anger.  

Unfortunately, science says it’s natural for people to dwell more on negative thoughts than on positive ones, and this can be even more true for children. This negativity is usually driven by fear, doubt, or shame, which produce stress chemicals in the brain. Ultimately, a negative attitude can shape how a child sees herself and the world around her.

But as parents, there’s plenty we can do to help our children develop a more positive attitude about themselves and their world.

Are Negative Thoughts Bad?
There are no “bad” emotions. All thoughts and feelings are valid. Both positive and negative thoughts and emotions play a valuable role in how we process the world around us.

For instance, sadness can help us process difficult times, and we would have no moral compass if we never felt shame or guilt.

Danish psychologist Svend Brinkmann explains that the pressure to think positively and be constantly cheerful has turned happiness into “a duty and a burden.” Additionally, trying to be happy all the time alienates us from our emotions, which simply isn’t healthy. In fact, recent psychological research indicates that emotional avoidance is one of the main causes of many psychological issues.

For these reasons, there's no need to pressure children to avoid or dismiss negative emotions.

What Can You Do Instead?
Instead, we can teach our kids to accept negative emotions and process them in a healthy way. We can encourage positive thinking and positive affirmations.

According to positive psychology researcher Barbara Fredrickson, positive thinking is important because it broadens your sense of possibility and opens your mind, allowing you to build new skills. Positive thinking, Fredrickson says, “broadens and builds.” It also makes children (and adults) more resilient.

Neurobiologist Richard Davidson of the University of Wisconsin explains that the brain is “plastic” and can be trained to be more emotionally resilient and to respond to certain emotions in a healthier manner.

This can be accomplished by engaging in mental exercises that help “rewire” the brain.

By practicing skills that foster positivity, people can learn to be more positive.
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​Here are seven activities you can practice with your child to encourage a more positive attitude.

1. Loving Kindness Meditation

Dr. Barbara Fredrickson found that just six weeks of training in a form of meditation focused on kindness and compassion resulted in increased positive emotions, social connectedness, and even improved health for participants in her study.
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In a similar study, Dr. Richard Davidson found that as little as two weeks’ training in compassion and kindness meditation led to changes in brain circuitry linked to an increase in positive social behaviors, such as generosity.

Even three months after these experiments concluded, participants continued to display increased mindfulness, purpose in life, social support, and decreased illness symptoms.

Loving kindness meditation involves thinking of loved ones and sending them positive thoughts. Later, your child can expand her positive thoughts to more neutral people in her life as well. Dr. Fredrickson describes this form of meditation as “directing good-hearted wishes to others.”

The four traditional phrases are, “May you feel safe. May you feel happy. May you feel healthy. May you live with ease.” But the actual wording you and your child use isn’t important; it’s about generating feelings of kindness and warmth.

By practicing generating these feelings, the brain is conditioned to think more positively. It also shows your child how easy it is to engage in feelings of compassion and kindness, which can help her connect more easily with others and increase her overall well-being.

2. Helping Others

Helping others is obviously beneficial to other people, but it will also enhance your child’s own positive feelings and attitude.

People who volunteer have been found to have higher self-esteem and overall well-being than those who don’t. 

Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a professor at the University of California, Riverside, says, “People who engage in kind acts become happier over time.” When your child helps others, she will feel good about herself as a person, which will ultimately help her feel more optimistic and positive in general.

"People who engage in kind acts become happier over time."

Helping others is also linked to fostering a sense of belonging, inner peace, and gratitude. Your child could help others by assisting an elderly neighbor with yard work or chores, helping a friend with homework, or participating in a canned food or clothing drive. You could also make volunteering a family affair and regularly help out with a soup kitchen or other charitable organization.

A very young child can assist you around the house, help a younger sibling with picking up toys or getting dressed, or even accompany you (and be your “assistant”) when you help others. 

The more your child helps others, the more positive she’ll become.

3. Recording Daily Awe Moments

Dr. Fredrickson explains that positive thinking can stem from recognizing and appreciating small moments of happiness and beauty. These simple moments can include laughter, a hug, a beautiful sunset, or the sound of birds singing.

One practical way to work on this skill with your child is to have her start an Awe Journal. You can keep one of your own as well, and you and your child can discuss them weekly or daily.

In the Awe Journal, you and your child will record sights or moments from your daily lives that you find beautiful or extraordinary: a rainbow, a kind act, or even the smell of freshly baked cookies. Your child can record these moments with drawings, descriptions, poems, etc.

It may seem small, but writing about positive experiences can actually have a major impact on positive thinking. A study published in the Journal of Research in Personality examined 90 undergraduate students who were split into two groups.

One group wrote about an intensely positive experience every day for only three days. The other group wrote about a control topic. Three months later, the first group was still experiencing better mood levels and fewer illnesses. 

Working on the Awe Journal will also teach your child to begin recognizing and searching for beauty everywhere, which will help her form a more positive view of the world and herself.

4. Setting and Achieving Goals

Dr. Fredrickson and her colleagues also suggest that achieving goals helps people become more optimistic, positive thinkers with a greater sense of well-being.

Dr. Gabriele Oettingen, a Professor of Psychology at New York University and the University of Hamburg, explains that positive thinking alone doesn’t help people reach their goals. Sometimes, she says, “Dreamers are no doers.”

At times, people who are too optimistic about reaching their goals don’t take the possible setbacks they may encounter seriously, and they ultimately fail at achieving these goals, which may negatively impact their outlook.

To help your child achieve goals and develop more long-term positive thinking, try using Dr. Oettiengen’s WOOP strategy:

Wish - Help your child come up with a goal she would really like to accomplish.
Outcome - Engage your child in visualizing the best outcome that could result from accomplishing this goal. What would this outcome look like? What would it feel like?
Obstacle - Take wishing and visualizing a practical step further by generating a list of obstacles that could prevent your child from reaching the goal. These obstacles could include wanting to give up or getting distracted by something, like wanting to play with toys or check a cell phone.
Plan - Finally, make a plan for dealing with these obstacles if/when they occur. Have your child say or write sentences like: If/when [Obstacle], then I will [Plan to overcome the obstacle].

Visualizing and planning for obstacles in advance makes it more likely that your child will actually achieve her goals, resulting in increased confidence and a more positive attitude.

5. Sharing Positivity 

One of the most powerful ways to teach your child to have a positive attitude is to MODEL this behavior for her. When you accept and process your emotions in a healthy way, you teach your child to do the same.

You can also share positive experiences with your child. Dr. Frederickson observes that “shared positivity—having two people caught up in the same emotion—may have an even greater impact on health than something positive experienced by oneself.”

She suggests such simple activities as watching a funny TV show or movie and laughing together, sharing a funny joke or good news, or being physically affectionate. Anything that sparks feelings of joy, contentment, and love contributes to positive thinking, especially when these emotions are shared.

Laugh with your child, hug your child, set aside time to provide your undivided attention, and enjoy positive experiences together. Taking time to discuss the Awe Journals mentioned above can be a valuable shared experience as well.

These moments of togetherness will deepen your bond with your child, and it will increase her positivity and health, both physical and emotional.

6. Developing Skills and Trying New Activities

Recognize your child’s strengths and give her opportunities to develop them and experience success. For example, if your child has a beautiful singing voice, let her try voice lessons and perform in voice recitals. If she’s an excellent soccer player, sign her up for a local team.

As your child develops skills and succeeds as a result, she’ll increase her confidence and develop a more positive outlook and attitude.

Similarly, trying NEW things can result in increased confidence and resilience. Encourage your child to try a new sport, instrument, game, or activity.

Likewise, if your child expresses interest in a new activity, let her try it out. As she enjoys or finds a degree of success with this new activity, she’ll develop a more positive view of herself, her abilities, and life in general.

You can even find new activities to try with your child in order to increase your shared positive experiences. Sign up for a cooking class, work on a few art projects, or take up rollerblading together.

7. Practicing Positive Affirmations

Positive affirmations are belief systems rooted in the universal truth. They are positive statements that children or adults can repeat to themselves in order to increase self-esteem, promote positive thinking, and change negative self-talk.

Affirmations are most effective if you let your child come up with her own. This is because the healing power of affirmation comes not from saying the positive words aloud, but from internalizing them. Your child will also take ownership of the process and be more committed to her affirmations.

Guide your child to come up with affirmations that are short, positive, and present tense. Examples include:

• I am kind.
• I am enough.
• I am loving.
• I am a good friend.
• I am unique.

Instead of giving your child instructions or requiring her to say affirmations, try to use them in a playful manner. Research shows that children learn best through PLAY, so turn your child’s affirmations into a game the two of you play together. Take turns affirming one another and then saying your own affirmations, or come up with a song or dance.

You can also post your child’s affirmations on her mirror or around her room, or the two of you can make a creative art project using these statements. 

The more your child says her affirmations, the more she’ll come to truly believe them, ultimately reducing negative self-talk and increasing positive thinking.

Recap

Maintaining a positive attitude is a difficult task for adults, and it’s even more challenging for children. But our brains can be trained to be more positive as we engage in positive activities, and you can promote positivity with your child.
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Don’t pressure your child to get rid of negative thoughts altogether, but help her embrace positivity using the following activities:

• Practice loving kindness meditation by sending positive thoughts to others.
• Give your child opportunities to volunteer and help others.
• Teach your child to appreciate small moments of beauty using an Awe Journal.
• Help your child set and achieve goals using the WOOP strategy.
• Share positive experiences with your child, and model a positive attitude.
• Encourage your child to develop her strengths and try new activities.
• Let your child come up with her own positive affirmations to recite.

As your child engages in these activities, she’ll train her brain to be more positive and respond to emotions in a healthier manner. She’ll boost her confidence, resilience, and overall happiness, and she’ll gain a more positive outlook on the world around her

If you’ve ever been the victim of a bully, you know too well how it feels to humiliated and overpowered. While there is no way to 100% bully-proof anyone, there are important skills we can teach our children to minimize the impact a bully has, to turn them away, and to help our children get out of sticky situations.


Help Your Child Build a Positive Social Network
Connection with caring friends and supportive adults act as a shield of sorts, giving your child strength to overcome the challenge a bully presents. In fact, being socially connected is an important factor in overall happiness. How can you help your child build this network?

• Keep the parent/child relationship a top priority. Maintaining a positive relationship with your child is essential. They need to know they can confide in you. Otherwise, you may never know they are being bullied. By practicing positive parenting, you can both guild your child while keeping your relationship strong. Teach and practice respectful, positive communication so that they have the skills and comfort level to talk to you about what’s going on in their lives.
• Foster as many positive connections as you can with relatives, friends, people at church or in other groups, etc. The bigger your child’s village is, the bigger his shield.
• Teach your child friendship-building social skills, such as how to introduce themselves, how to start a conversation, eye contact, showing interest, and joining a group activity.

Give Your Child the Gift of Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence plays an important role in our relationships, social status, success, and happiness. A child who is comfortable with her emotions and knows how to confidently handle them is less likely to be shaken by the words or actions of a bully. She is better able to move through emotions like anger, sadness, fear, and disappointment. Try these tips to increase your child’s EI.

• Talk about feelings. Start the discussions at an early age by helping your child verbalize what he is feeling. “You’re sad that we have to leave Grandma’s already.” “You’re upset that I won’t buy you this toy.” By naming emotions, we increase our children’s emotional vocabulary and, at the same time, validate what they are feeling.
• Teach regulation skills. The calm down area is a good tool for children to learn to get a grip on those big feelings. At first, you’ll need to sit in the calm down area with your child and teach her how to self-regulate. Provide sensory and calming items such as a soft blanket or stuffed animal, a calming glitter jar, books, paper and pencil, or balloons filled with playdoh. Figuring out how to soothe the mind and body so that logic and reason can come back online is a critical skill that will keep children (and adults) from reacting in a negative way or lashing out and regretting it later.
• Teach conflict resolution and problem-solving skills. This requires a lot of time and patience while the child is young but has a big pay-off when they are older. Teach this by talking your child through a conflict, assisting with ideas when needed, and help her bring about a peaceful solution. For example, if two siblings are fighting over a toy, you might say, “It looks like there’s a problem with this toy. You both want it. Can we come up with a solution? Jane, you first. Can you think of way to solve this problem?” Coach Jane as needed to come up with ideas like taking turns, finding a new toy to play with, or playing with it together. “Okay, so you have decided you want to take turns. Amy, Jane would like to take turns. Does this work for you? Okay, how about you hand over the toy to Amy as soon as you are finished? Thank you! Good problem-solving!” Then you’ll just watch to make sure she follows through. This will take many repetitions, but eventually they’ll start doing it on their own, and when they do, it’s bliss! How does this help when faced with a bully? It gives them confidence to handle themselves when an adult isn’t immediately present.

Teach Your Child to Be Assertive
Bullies prey on victims who are isolated or who they can intimidate. Being assertive means your child can voice how she is feeling and stand up for her rights without being aggressive or passive. Assertive people can calmly state their feelings and needs in a respectful way. Here are some tips:

1. Talk about boundaries. Teach your child about physical and emotional boundaries. Let them know that it is their right to say “no,” to leave a friendship that feels bad, and to tell an adult when someone isn’t respecting their boundaries.
2. Let your child make decisions. This is an easy way to build the assertive muscles. “I’d rather wear the red shirt today” is good practice for “I’d prefer not to attend that party tonight.”
3. Role play various situations so that your child becomes comfortable with assertive responses. Teach him to say “Stop it. That’s not okay.” Play out scenarios where your child will need to tell an adult and what to do when no adults are around, and discuss that it is NOT tattling if someone is being hurt!

I read this article and have my own opinion on kids being quitters.  As a martial arts teacher and author I have had the opportunity to teach thousands of kids. Unfortunately some quit.  However retention for young teens is really good.  Martial Arts kids have an advantage because they are built inside and out.  On the outside they gain skills, self defense, speed, strength, flexibility and great coordination.   Inside is the big advantage.   Learning to set and achieve goals, build confidence, self-esteem, ability to block out distractions, perseverance, courage, sportsmanship and commitment.

Many schools also offer Jr. Instructor Training for young teens giving them the opportunity for a great job at 16. 

Greg Silva - President of Black Belt Schools International and author of The Silva Solution - Building Black Belts from the Inside Out

At 13, kids generally find themselves with more (and more challenging) school work. Most are also encouraged to start choosing what interests them the most and what they’re best at. There’s no longer time for them to do as much they did in elementary school.

Some of the major social and emotional changes that 13-year-olds experience also predispose them to making decisions such as quitting sports, especially as that environment becomes more competitive. The CDC describes it on its developmental milestones page as a “focus on themselves… going back and forth between high expectations and lack of confidence.” Kids become more focused on — and influenced by — their friends, many of whom are also walking away from organized youth sports.

Any discussion about being 13 also needs to include social media, smartphones and the Internet. According to the Pew Center’s Internet Research Study, most U.S. kids receive their first cellphone or wireless device by the age of 12. Between the ages of 13 and 17, 92 percent of teens report being online every day, and 24 percent are online “almost constantly.” As kids become teenagers, their priorities change. How they socialize, study and spend their time changes with them.

These things collectively represent a perfect storm. There are no easy answers here. The system of youth sports is set up to cater to more elite players as they approach high school, leaving average kids with fewer opportunities. Our culture encourages specialization and achievement, which actively discourages kids from trying new things or just playing for fun. And all of this converges at a time when they’re going through major physical, emotional and social changes as well as facing pressure to pare down their interests and focus on school.

So why do 70 percent of kids quit organized sports at 13 and what can we do about it? 

I would argue that most kids leave because we haven’t given them a way to stay. And perhaps more importantly, until we dismantle the parenting culture that emphasizes achievement and success over healthy, happy kids, we don’t stand a chance of solving this problem.

-Julianna W. Miner ​

Organizing schoolwork would be a breeze for many students if only they followed a few simple tasks on a routine basis. Very often it’s the small details of daily life that slow you down.

The following are some suggestions to maintain good school grades and to be a successful student:

1. First impressions are often the only impressions you get to make. Make your teacher’s first impression of you one that will help you get good grades and all the help you can use. Use Martial Arts focus.  Focus your body, Focus your mind and Focus your eyes. 
2. Remember that your first few classes are your most important classes. This is where you get off on the right foot and to a good start. Concentrate and be alert so you can do your best.  Remember how we accept challenges in Martial Arts - be positive "Bring Them On."
3. Your room is your castle and your office. Be sure to make it orderly and functional. Keep it clean.
4. Prepare for tomorrow the night before. Set out your clothes for the next day. Pack your backpack with your completed assignments and books you used. Put it an accessible place so it is ready to go in the morning. Get a good night’s rest.
5. Start the day in a relaxed and purposeful manner. Set your wake up clock or phone with enough time to do what you have to do in the morning. Thirty minutes is never enough to get ready for school, and it is not fair to you, your grades, or your teacher.
6. Be on time for school and your classes. Late is never good, while early is almost always the way of the winner.
7. The best time to do your homework is right after you get home. You will have a better chance of remembering that day’s instruction, and less of a chance if you chose other distractions first. Do it NOW! The best time is NOW!
8. Rule your own life. If you let the television, video games, or your friends rule your life, then you will not be the winner you should be. You have a life of your own. It is worthwhile and meaningful. Rule it yourself.
9. Learn how to stop texting and making calls. Use respect, but hang up anyway and stop messaging. Your teachers will not accept a 2-hour texting binge as a reason for poor or incomplete homework. Learn to say, “Can I please call you back in 30 minutes?”
10. Walk away from situations or people that will destroy your mental or physical growth. Rule your own life.  Don't get caught up with gossip.
11. Make good use of small blocks of time. There is no rule that says you have to sit in zombie-mode while listening to music or watching TV. Do some of the easy stuff at those times.
12. Have a POSITIVE relationship with your parents and your teachers, and always maintain respect.  Show respect at all times, and you will do much better.
13. BE SELECTIVE IN CHOOSING YOUR FRIENDS. You do not have to be friends with the whole school. Pick out a few people who are headed in the same direction in life that you are. If you hang out with the respectful, intelligent, and safe people, then you will be respectful, intelligent, and safe. Think about it.  You tell your best friend that you can only talk to him/her for a few minutes because you have homework. Do they get upset? If your friends cause you to skip the important things, then they are not your friends. If they understand because they are doing the same thing, then you will never be under pressure to do the wrong thing.  PICK YOUR FRIENDS WITH CARE. YOU ARE WORTH THE TIME.
14. Have the phone number or Facetime info for at least one person in each of your classes. This way you can exchange notes or other class information, or even get homework assignments if you are sick or absent.
15. Choose to be a winner. Never accept anything but the best from yourself.  If you find yourself in danger, or slipping, ask for help! No one can expect to succeed in school and in life without help.

Have a safe, successful and KICK’N school year!